The Happy Dog, Eric, Sean, Sean and the entire staff as a matter of fact

Scoliosis Jones

The Misery Jackals

The Estate of Johnny Cash

Steve Brown

The Cleveland Yo Yo Club

DJ Kishka

The Cleveland Cupcake Company

Star Pop

Budapest Blonde Cocktail Mixes

Chris Young

City Buddha

Stylemutt Dog Boutique

The Cleveland Handmade Markets

Prasti Purdum

Gypsy Beans

kimberly monaco designs jewelry

Jungle Bob Tuma

Ben Shuber

Secondhand Mutts

…and you

Please sweet Lord above don’t let me have forgotten anyone.  I feel like I’m getting an Oscar and they are red lighting me.

If you ever went to a wedding in the 70′s or 80′s the Polka was not only a couple songs here and there but it dominated wedding halls across this great city.  Songs like Just Because and Somewhere My Love allowed the Bride and Groom to waltz and slow dance cheek to cheek along side mothers and fathers and even their grandparents.  While the upbeat numbers like In Heaven There Is No Beer and Roll Out The Barrel became singalongs at the local tavern others danced the night away to songs like Drew Carey favorite Too Fat Polka and Hoop De Doo.  This was a different time in Cleveland.  It was a time when the Polish and Slovenian Halls would pack them in to dance the night away for dinner and dancing.  Sundays were days for family and you would normally find us at Grandma’s in Parma and from 1-2pm you bet your ass the TV was tuned to Channel 5.  Because every Sunday for 27 years Paul Wilcox until 1983 brought live polka bands and dancing right into your living room.

The death of Polka Varieties was the beginning of the end for a lot of quality local programming.  A thing called cable TV was starting to make its rounds and things called infomercials were turning out to be more profitable than local shows.  No more tweaking the rabbit ears on top of the set to get channel 43 all you had to do was flip a switch on the cable box.  For years folks like Linn Sheldon would tell me I was the nicest person in the world, just me as his straw hat wearing character Barnaby.  Marty Sullivan would throw on his cape and transform himself into Superhost.  He would start off with Laurel and Hardy and Three Stooges shorts throwing in corny skits through the show and ease us into whatever terrible film WUAB paid $5 for.  Even radio morning jock John Lanigan was host of the Prize Movie during the week getting in on the action.  Son of Ghoul and The Ghoul parodied the original Ghoulardi, Ernie Anderson carrying on the torch still to this day.  Guests like Jungle Bob Tuma still makes his rounds of the circuit with his amazing animals.  It was local family programming at it’s best peppered with ethnic humor, inside jokes made for Clevelanders, and pure family fun.

A name you probably never heard of before today unless you are a Cleveland TV über-geek, Jay Lawrence, was the final touch on every single skit of Big Chuck and Lil’ John…HaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaa!  Each and every year you can still see Charles “Big Chuck” Schodowski and “Lil’ John” Rinaldi at Ghoulardifest.  Yep, they are very much still around and while some of you have no idea what I was talking about the paragraph above you know Chuck and John.  This was another local pair that got dicked around by the local stations in favor of infomercials and syndicated (ie cheaper) programs.  I watched them as a kid where the format was a cheesy monster movie, some corny skits, and a huge dose of Cleveland humor.  They moved all over in time slots from late night to afternoon, back to late night.  The station changed the movie format on them which went from scary monster movies to whatever the corporate tight asses could get for a nickle.  Eventually Chuck and John fizzled out to just doing Three Stooges and some skits to a show called Just the Skits.

Local TV, fuck you.  You managed over time to kill everything original and local and truly Cleveland about Cleveland television.  I hate that we live in such a corporate money hungry society that we can’t have our own identity for just 2 hours a week.  There are tons of people that miss this sort of thing and that my friends is why I love going to see DJ Kishka.  That is why I think The Happy Dog is the best damn bar in Cleveland.  They don’t try to deny our past of white socks and black shoes.  You can embrace pierogies because Bill Clinton went to Parma Pierogies like 2 decades ago but you can’t embrace Polka Music?  Is it really that bad?  Is it really that embarrassing to have a good time and goof on yourself a little bit?  Yes I go see a DJ play polka records.  I am not ashamed to admit it either because you know why?  Because this is Cleveland and we never did, and never will give a fuck what you think.  So come out and see Kishka Friday night.  As a matter of fact wear white socks and black shoes because that shit is sexy.  He will be spinning polkas from 6-9pm and playing Chuck and John skits.  If you can’t get behind that you are still in the Cleveland closet.  We’re never going to be Los Angeles we’re never going to be New York City.  We are Cleveland and we need to wear that shit like a badge of honor.

I am pretty sure the first time I saw The Misery Jackals was in 2009 at the Beachland along with East Cleveland mainstays Heelsplitter.  It was that something different I hadn’t heard before that kicked me in the ass to say I need to get out more often.  Somewhere shortly thereafter I started this whole 52 Weeks of Cleveland thing.  I knew I had to get out more often and discover this world of the Cleveland brand of bluegrass and truly alternative country.   In 2010 they toured with some heavy hitters and headlined more than a couple shows including one of the very first Beachland Barn Dance series.  They even pulled me into the underbelly of Akron for a show earlier this year to leave my Cleveland post.  I think one of my personal favorites was seeing them busking in front of the Grog Shop before the Legendary Shack Shakers show.

Over the last couple years I have witnessed a couple different drummers, a substitute front man, and a very banged up and bruised Pirate lady.  Poor Pirate Jenny was banged up in a subway accident a while back and more recently she took a header off a stage at an Akron show.  Despite what might come off as a revolving door it really isn’t.  The band is comprised of  Sweet Willy C. on the Banjo, Pirate Jenny on the Accordion, Doghouse Tim on upright Bass, The Consultant  on the skins, and Beaner playing the Guitar.  I should point out they all share the vocal duties with Beaner taking most of the honors.  Right now with Pirate Jenny out Accordion duties will be taken over by a giant accordion playing cock.  No kidding, Ben Shuber dressed as a giant chicken will be playing in place of Pirate Jenny.  They have three shows coming up this week.  Thursday at Bud & Tooties in New Philadelphia, Friday at the Happy Dog with Scoliosis Jones and Sunday at the Beachland with Rev. Peyton’s Big Damn band.  While I am partial to the Friday show please check these guys out.  You will not be disappointed.

This show is not only good for fans of the Chefs but also for novice “foodies” in training, weekend BBQ Warriors and even families.  It seriously has a little something for everyone from high end cutlery and utensils to local mom and pop staples.  You had everyone there from the big guns like Giant Eagle to old school specialty meat shops like State Road Meats.

You want samples?  This is like Costco on steroids.  Everyone has samples out and most of it comes from these small little guys you never heard of.  I know they don’t really discriminate too much on who the vendors are so you have some junk that doesn’t belong.  You have your scam-esque fill this out for a chance to win this and that, and some home improvement stuff as well, but for the most part this was all about food.  Get rid of the annoyances and you have a really fun event.

One of my favorites was Great Lakes Smoked Meats, and they seriously make one hell of a smokie.  Their other stuff wasn’t half bad at all either, but if I want real Cleveland sausage I am hitting one of my regular shops.  For smokies though these things were awesome.  Their stand was well organized with a small line that moved pretty quick.  The folks were very knowledgeable about their products as well.  Make sure to be on the look out for this gems.  They are even carried at Marc’s which I was kind of surprised by.  When I think of Marc’s I seriously never thing of this high of a quality of product.

The lines for the book signings were nutso crazy and located next to the Food Network book shop.  The book shop was just OK as they really only carried the stuff of who was signing.  I would have liked to have seen more variety there.  In the main auditorium we got to see Clevelands own Michael Symon create a nice rib roast with a simple pumpkin puree.  The guy is hilarious.  The laugh absolutely priceless.  It was incredible to see him doing a live show to this packed house.  He is animated, funny, intelligent and there is no wonder why he is on top of his game nationally.  So pretty much across the board this show had a little bit of everything for everyone.

The IX center is such a great place for this and hopefully the tour will keep coming back for years to come.  I can’t say enough about just how incredible the IX Center is when they put on a show.  They have this ability to transform this giant empty building into a thing of beauty.  It could be rows and rows of cars for the auto show, amusement rides for the indoor amusement park or the amazing Home and Garden show they are always spot on when it comes to entertainment value for the entire family.

A case and confectionery of various chocolate delights acts as the showroom for these sweets.  The presentation is nothing short of art.  The store is absolutely clean, like as in wow these folks here pay close attention to detail almost to the point of OCD.  The chocolates are quite expensive.  However chocolates are kind of meant to be an indulgence item.  Way back in the old days getting a candy bar was a big deal but with the onslaught of mini this and mini that, not so much anymore.  Stores like Lilly’s are not the reason we struggle so much as a city with weight issues and health disease.  Giant bags of the stuff are the reason for that.  So in moderation I am all for chocolate, look at me, I am pretty much all for everything who am I kidding?   However this is the way confections like this are made to be served, in small portions with the utmost attention to detail and loaded with unique flavors.

That being said, I indulged.  I got a 12 piece box for $22.00 and a couple of the $5 bars.  Everything was spectacular.  I had lime flavored chocolate, chocolate flavored with Maker’s Mark, and even one spiked with Cayenne pepper.  One I didn’t care for was the Nine Lives which was a dark chocolate and espresso offering.  If asked why I didn’t like it I would say stupidly well I don’t like coffee.  Then why did I order it?  No idea, well it was more for my wife who is a coffee addict.  I guess the lesson here is if you don’t like a certain flavor opt for something else because the flavors are complex and if you think it is just going to be a hint it’s not going to be.  These tiny little squares are packed with flavor.  If you are a chocolate fan you need to come check this place out as a splurge item.  If you are a guy and did something stupid or maybe trying to impress a lady you come here.  That is a no brainer right there.  If you want to make her smile, or your lady friend is easily impressed any box of chocolates will do.  If you want to knock her socks off among other clothing items you need to come to Lilly’s.

Simply put, The Rebirth Brass Band is a New Orleans institution. Formed in 1983 by the now infamous Frazier brothers, the band has evolved from playing the streets of the French Quarter to playing festivals and stages all over the world.  Rebirth is committed to upholding the tradition of brass bands while at the same time incorporating modern music into their show.  Their signature brand of heavy funk has not only won over several generations of music lovers, it has become the soundtrack to an entire city.  In the wake of the sometimes-stringent competition amongst brass bands, Rebirth is the undisputed leader of the pack, and they show no signs of slowing down.

Trombone Shorty is nothing short of a prodigy.  An amazing talent.  He is also one of those guys that is so under the radar that unless you are in the know of the genre you probably never heard of him.  However the guy has played with some serious heavy hitters and Shorty is not even 25 years old.  He is rock star but not with a guitar, his axe is a trombone.  His mix of funk, jazz and hiphop can get you moving and grooving and that’s exactly what he did at the House of Blues last night.  The guy is a nonstop touring machine and has already appeared in Cleveland once this year.  Chances are this might be the last chance to ever see a player this good in a venue this small.  To say he is on the verge of stardom is an understatement and those in the crowd were jaw dropped amazed at what he brought to the table.

House of Blues was great last night.  Quick entry, friendly door, in control bouncers.  They just were spot on.  The crowd itself was a bit weird but that’s the kind of eclectic group of folks fans of the New Orleans sound will bring out.  You had kids with their folks to AARP card carrying members.  Everyone young, old and in between was feeling this music dancing and hand clapping and having a good time.  I still have to admit my African America sisters can seriously move it and groove it.  I was standing in front of one dark princess that could serious vibe to that music.  It was funny watching her get down and then looking two girls right of her and watching the white girl wedding shuffle going down full force.  It makes me wonder why most dance studios are run by white people.  Oh well man I totally digressed there didn’t I?

One odd thing about the crowd though that annoyed me?  Drunk people, and lots of them.  The thing about a show like this is you have a bunch of people who don’t get out much and when they do they tend to overindulge a bit.  I was standing to the side of the stage near the stairs from the restaurant and you would swear those few stairs were an obstacle course for some.  Weird sighting of the night?  Former disgraced Cleveland golden boy politician Benny Bonanno.  It’s just a weird mix of folks and goes to speak on the idea that Cleveland is this full on melting pot of diversity.  I am not saying Bonanno is some rock star celebrity or anything but you never know who you are going to bump into out and about in Cleveland.  And yes his hair does still look like something crawled on his head and fell asleep.

In this day and age of big box stores completely putting the small mom and pop shops out of business it is a joy to see a place like this still exists.  Nothing against the big chains but…well let me take that back this has everything to do with what is wrong with the big chains.  At the big chains you do not get that personal friendly service.  Here you get Pam, and I am guessing you get Pam 99.9% of the time.

There is something about knowing the person you trust your pets diet and well being with.  The chains are so large and vast with such high turnover who knows what you get or who you are talking to.  Those folks make a wage paid from the corporate headquarters.  When you shop local you get to know the small business owner, the money goes back into the community and helps awesome places like this stay in business.

As far as prices go you might think such a small shop would be way overpriced.  It’s not.  The food is actually cheaper than the chains.  Plus she has a club card where you buy 10 bags and the 11th is free.  Some of the treats are cheaper too, and the fun toys are priced around the same as the chains.

She has awesome stuff in this little shop from clothes for both you and your pup to the basics.  If you love your pet, and most obviously do, this is a great option to check out.  Gone are the days of feeding your pet crap from the grocery store.  Take care of your dog.  Buy the right foods, buy safe toys, and healthy treats.  You can do all the above here.  If you love your pooch this place is well worth checking out.  Make sure to say hi to Spike when you stop by.

The Earl of Sandwich

This week has taken me to two very different kinds of sandwich places.  The first I knew was in the area of my office and I always wanted to try it out.  Our cafeteria at work at is decent enough to grab a quick bite.  I am lucky enough to have a lot of options at work but mostly I hit the salad bar.  I went downstairs to grab a bite and said you know what fuck this, the weather is nice and I was just sick of being in the office.  I needed to escape and get out of the building for a quick lunch.  I work in the Brooklyn area and outside of the basic chains in the area I had no idea there were so many decent local options within a 5 mile area.  I just never get out of the office either taking a mini-lunch or eating at my desk.  It just feels good to get out every once in a while to just forget work for an hour.

So, I headed up to a little place called Tal’s.  Some of the folks at work get their sandwiches and I never could place where the heck this place was.  The sandwiches always look great, and when I say great I mean huge.  So I plugged in the address and hit up the Yelp ap on the trusty Droid (you know the Droid?  It’s like an iPhone only a lot cooler and works a hell of a lot better).  I was there in a matter of maybe 5 minutes.  Wouldn’t you know of course it was a block or two away from where my Grandmother lived?  All this time I pretty much could have drove to this place in my sleep.  It says Tal’s in big old letters but I think the thing that threw me off was that it’s also a liquor store.

So I enter into the large store and proceed over to the deli counter.  The old school menu board looks like a throw back to a drive in movie theater, and is filled with a multitude of sandwich options.  I was overwhelmed but didn’t want to look like an idiot so I looked it over for a minute and said turkey.  I wanted something on the more healthy side because I saw how overstuffed these things were so Turkey sounded like a good choice.  “What kind of turkey?”  What kind of turkey?  Was this some sort of trick question?  The one that is a bird I am thinking, but no, they have like 8 different kinds of turkey here Cajun, Peppered, Roast, Honey…and a bunch of others.  So basically you can order whatever meat they have in the deli case and make it into a sandwich.  This to me was like finding the ark of the covenant.  So you are telling me I can have any meat in this case, and you will slice it fresh and make it a sandwich for me for like $6.00 or less?  Yes, this is how it works.  The sandwich comes with your choice of condiments, lettuce and tomato.  You also get a choice of bread.  I had the Italian and it was thick with a crunchy crust.  It was pretty much the perfect sandwich served with a couple Kosher pickle spears on the side.

My week got only that much better when I headed up to Tomaydo Tomahhdo for dinner.  After a trip to Books-a-Million we drove around the Westgate Plaza to check out the options.  Someone had just mentioned this place to me when I was on my great smoothie hunt.  So I got one of those to wash the sandwich down with.  For the price the smoothie was just ok, kind of small for the price and not very thick at all.  I got the Pineapple Bliss.  The flavor was nice and refreshing at least but I can’t help but wonder what kind of calorie count these pack with the sherbet in them.  They are probably not horrible but I am thinking lots of sugar in there.

The sandwich comes with a small little side dish of your choice and I chose the pasta salad.  The portion was pretty small.  I wasn’t expecting a huge thing of pasta salad so I wasn’t disappointed or anything but whatever it was good.  It wasn’t enough to make me say wow that was awesome because it was like 3 bites and your out.  What was generous though was the sandwich.  I got the Tomaydo Mozzarella.  It’s marinated tomaydo, which I could eat a bowl of alone and I am not a huge tomato tomahhdo fan.  It was just this sweet incredibly fresh bruschetta, like a sweet Italian tomaydo relish.  The fresh sliced Mozzarella were generous thick medallions of tasty cheese goodness.  The sandwich is topped off with field greens tossed in a tangy Balsamic Vinaigrette, balsamic red onions, drizzled with yet more balsamic in the form of a reduction and fresh basil.  All of this served on fresh-baked garlic focaccia.  It was heavenly sandwich.

The restaurant itself has ample seating to dine in and service was relatively quick for our takeout order.  The one thing I need to stress about this place is the ambiance.  It’s an order at the counter kind of place yet is so clean and spacious you forget you are in a sandwich joint.  I saw some of the salads coming up and they were huge.  My wife had a pasta dish that came with a generous side salad.  So, they seem to have all the bases covered and even a kids menu for you and your howling offspring.  The service was friendly and professional and I am thinking this is going to become a local favorite I have a feeling.

Empire sets up an appointment of which I decided to cancel however they still showed up at the door. The guy was out here already so why not hear him out for the few minute pitch at least to get an estimate or a starting point so why not we figured. So the guy heads to the head, checks it out, does some measurements and comes over to show us their samples. Let’s be honest here, it’s a standard tub and shower we have currently so the “measuring” is all part of the dog and pony show to give the illusion that this salesman had ever picked up a tool beyond a tape measure.

So he pulls out his samples which are boring. They are the standard, white, off white, eggshell, and whatever other white you can think of rebath kind of bullshit. If I am getting it done, I intend on getting something more that the basic bath that you would find at a Holiday Inn. All they offer is bland and boring, nothing more. So, thoroughly unimpressed we yawn our way through the warranty, quality craftsmanship, why our is better than the dime a dozen other rebath outfits in the area for a good 15-20 minute song and dance.

Here’s the fun part. He calls “the office” to see if we can get the super special discount rate that ran out just 2 days ago. And would you believe that we were lucky enough to get that extended for just today if we signed up right then and there on the spot? So to completely prove this windbag was absolutely full of shit after another 10 minutes of high pressure sales techniques he calls “the office” again and guess what they can do now? Knock another 10% off the price. Well isn’t that nice of them to want to overcharge me? What changed in those 10 minutes? Oh yeah desperation to fill his quota.

So by now I am ready to kick this guy out of the house. My wife is ready to choke him because he is rude, condescending and getting downright ugly. He is acting like he is doing us a favor, trying to high pressure us into signing away around $6,000 even after he tried to scam us into that first absolute lowest price “practically at cost”. I explained to him there is no way I am signing anything now, this is a major project that we do not want to not rush into and we want to get a few other quotes.

At this point the guy turns into a complete asshole treating us like we wasted his time. I am sorry but I wasn’t impressed with your product, you bullshitted me through 2 different “best bottom line deals” and you were completely rude. I would have to think people just don’t jump into this sort of decision on the spot or fall for these unethical sales tactics but apparently like a bad pick up line at a bar maybe one out of 50 actually say yes. Our sales guy left just as I was about to seriously kick him out of the house. He had me that pissed off. I really like your commercials guys but the words that come to mind when I think of Empire? Shady, unethical, and sneaky. Even if you gave me a new bath I’d probably run the other way.